Religion VS. Relationship with Jesus

Written by Taylor Mendenhall

I feel like I have recently become a “baby Christian” again. 

Yes, I grew up in church. I knew how to “play the part” and I knew what mask you wear and when. I knew how to look like a good and healthy Christian, 

I feel like I never knew Jesus though…. Until recently. 

Now, this is no one’s fault but mine. I’m not here to blame my parents or the church I grew up in for this because it was my choice in the end. I’m the one that lied and said I was doing all the right things. I’m the one that played that part and wore the right masks. The truth is, church just became like school to me. I’d be going multiple times a week(as a deacon’s kid). I’d pray, listen, worship, take notes, see my “church friends” and make all of my usual social interactions, then go home and never apply or study what I learned or heard. And after a while, it became so normal that when I brought my school friends to church, they didn’t recognize me. And it had become so normal for me that I didn’t even notice how bad it was. 

But, that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I’m here to talk about the true and real relationship with Jesus I have now, that I wish I’d had so long ago. 

For so long I believed that if I didn’t have some kind of emotional response, then I didn’t “get anything” from Jesus in a church service (Maybe that came from my Pentecostal background if you know you know). And it’s taken me YEARS to finally realize, that’s just NOT TRUE. Of course, sometimes we have emotional reactions to His presence and how He speaks to us. I just genuinely never heard of someone hearing from Jesus and not having an emotional and physical response. I never heard that until I was 20 years old and my now husband told me how he hears from Jesus. He is not an emotional man and is a very logical thinker, so Jesus speaks to him logically. I genuinely could not wrap my brain around that. He doesn’t cry and fall on his face every time he prays? But why?  This turned into some serious and interesting conversations with him where he quoted scripture and explained the facts to me. I was in genuine shock! I’d never even read these scriptures or heard these stories. I’d grown up hearing and memorizing all of the “buzz word” scriptures. But I never knew the scriptures around it or the context of anything I’d heard. 

So now, 8 years later, why do I feel like I’m a “baby Christian” again? Well, because I’m stubborn. I went through a lot in the last 8 years, and in 2020 I hit a LOW rock bottom (tbh, we all kind of did right?). I didn’t want to believe Jesus anymore to the point where if a Christian radio came on in the car, I just shut it off. I was angry at God and everything His followers stood for, and that’s a bad place to be for anyone. Then, in 2021, a dark reality hit me. I had an experience only a few people really know about, but it made me really afraid of what will happen when I die. 

It was almost instantly, that I began to pray like I’d never prayed before. And, because I was alone, I didn’t feel the need to put my mask back on and put on a show like I used to. I genuinely felt His presence that night and craved Him in my life FOR REAL this time. And that Sunday I got my family up and we went to church for the first time in about a year. We joined Journey Groups, and Discipleship Groups, made true and real friendships that will last a lifetime, and it lit a fire in me I haven’t felt before. I found something I had been wanting for the last 8 years and didn’t even know it. The real, and true spirit of Jesus came into our lives and flipped them upside down. 

I have so many things I’m still overcoming and working on in myself, but the hope and peace I have in so many situations are unmatched. The need to read my Bible and pray every day is beautiful, and I feel weird if I don’t get that time with Jesus. And I’m doing it for real, not to prove a point to anyone around me. I’ve found myself in Him and seen him through fresh eyes. It’s been a beautiful year and I’m finally feeling excited for what is to come! 

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die? But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:6-8‬ ‭NIV