I was asking Amy what the topic was to write on and before I got that question out of my mouth or shall I say onto my keyboard, here came these words…Perseverance in storms.
May I just tell you I hate to talk or write about these things. I don’t want to sound like some puffed up guru on suffering because I have had my fair share of it (as many of you have) or like I know all the things and glided through these storms with such Christlike character and grace everyone who watched stood in awe. Now, I know there are some ladies who have done this, and I applaud them and maybe even envy them a little if we’re going to be honest; but I personally wasn’t one of them. I fussed and cussed and wept, I prayed and begged, bargained and reasoned and fasted then finally, and I do I mean finally, surrendered and accepted His will over my own. To be honest some days (were down to minutes now not all day) I am still licking wounds of stuff I just down right can’t understand. BUT that being said, this does not nullify the Love nor the Faithfulness of my Mighty God.
My mighty God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Yep, my God heard me say those things I wished I could take back when I didn’t think I could breathe through the pain or ever truly smile again. You see my Bible says He knows me; He knows how I am formed. He remembers I am just DUST…that’s right…I’m dirt and I can act as low as it with enough pain or frustration in my heart. The only time I am above this is when He mercifully breathes His life into me, and Hallelujah He does!!! In the south when someone is acting a fool you will hear the words ‘Bless your heart, your slip is showing”. God has seen my slip more times than I care to remember and yet loves me still.
Okay so about this perseverance in the storm. What does the above several paragraphs have to do with all of this…EVERYTHING! God did not ask me to be fake and phony with a false hallelujah on my lips as my sister, husband, niece and finally Poppie lay breathing their last.
Deb, my sister, died when I was only a few years into my recovery (by the way she hated me calling her Deb, she was my big sis…tough now sis, love you!). That about flung me so far into space I thought I might never land back on planet earth. It isn’t just that she had died, but she died in her addiction…the one I had just been miraculously delivered from. The one I had just took a best friend’s sister to go get help and she was delivered from! What??? Why?
Eric, my husband, passed Aug 29, 2018 exactly five years and one day from when his beautiful young wife had died of cancer before we married. Now his girls have no mom and no dad. (Yes, I am there BUT I am not themmmmm). That was space travel number two.
Seriah, my niece, had just helped another young lady get to work because she didn’t have a vehicle. While doing a kind deed (this wasn’t just a practice of her it was who she was) she was t-boned and broken in more places than I care to remember. We clung, I mean ferociously clung, to Psalm 27:13, “I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living”. We wrote it in her hospital room, we prayed it, we sang over her, we wept and held on for dear life, 27 years old y’all, 27 years old and now gone. I can still see her huge blue eyes, and ache to look into them some days. This is deep space.
Poppie, my dear Poppa, every two hours more meds and more meds and cleanings and rolling to prevent bed sores and shallow breaths. I was watching my mom be ripped in two and wondering if she would survive it (My mom has such precious faith, her and Jesus are doing good…she is finding her way through the valley of the shadow of death and Jesus is championing her through it). He promised me He would care for her. He has never failed on one promise NEVER. This is a whole other galaxy.
Why am I sharing all of this? Because Beloved, I want you to be real and vulnerable and honest as to where you are in your sufferings or storms. Did you notice the word perseverance had the word SEVERE right in the middle of it? If we saw someone go through a severe physical incident we wouldn’t be like “hey you smile and press on”…NO! We would be completely honest about the condition of their body so they could have proper care to be restored. LADIES, it is the same with conditions of the heart, psyche, and spirit. Broken is Broken. But Healed is Healed. You cannot be healed without the truth, period! It doesn’t work that way. Jesus is The Way, The TRUTH and The life. He is not afraid of the truth He IS the truth He lives there He dwells there. Don’t hide in the shadows, come out and speak to Him, let Him heal you. Loving you and praying for you. He is faithful and ever will be. Tiff
PS. I landed back here in the Everlasting Arms.
Grow Anyway 