empathy – Grow Anyway

Godly Sorrow: The Distress that Drives us to God

September 15, 2021by Guest Blogger1 Comment

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. [2 Corinthians 7:10]

I will never forget the year I outlawed the use of the word, “sorry” in my sixth-grade classroom. For some reason, the majority of my students thought that simply saying the word, “sorry” gave them a free pass from any consequence or any need to change their behavior. Saying, “sorry” was the magic word that would stop any authority figure from holding them accountable for their slip-ups and misdeeds and would relieve any feelings of badness and sadness they felt, especially when they were “sorry” about being caught. “Sorry” became the word that could hide them from judgment for breaking the rules, but their version of “sorry” had no power to change their hearts or help them recognize the wounds in relationships they were causing.

So, to move my precious charges from a position of self-centeredness and complete self-absorption, I outlawed the word “sorry” and gave them other phrases to use instead. All year we worked on empathy for others, so that saying, “I have hurt you,” and “This offense is my responsibility,” had a real impact on their hearts. We worked on forgiving and the giving of grace by saying to a classmate dealing with a misstep, “That’s okay, you are still a good person.”

I borrowed a page from the Apostle Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians as I asked God for help with this tough-hearted little crew He had given me to love. Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians had really scorched their hides, demanding accountability for the sin and divisions that had turned their church into a shipwreck. Then, worrying that he had been too harsh, Paul wrote in his second letter to them, that he wanted them to feel the Godly sorrow that would lead to real change.

He wanted them to recognize how truly destructive this current sin-cycle was to their relationship with God, with one another, and within themselves. He didn’t want them to concentrate on outward behavior, but on letting the grace of God and His love penetrate their hearts. Paul wanted the Corinthians to love well, the way Jesus loves, and that meant measuring their behavior by how well they were maintaining loving, healthy relationships. He didn’t want their lives defined by hiding, regret, or being driven away from God and each other by an angry, condemning conscience.

Paul’s Holy Spirit-inspired approach inspired me to help my students move from trying harder to be good and nice and less snarky, to training their hearts to value loving well. Instead of making vows to do better and throwing out a quick, “sorry,” we worked on creating a safe environment where behavior could be evaluated without threat and tools for true change could be discovered and used. I have to admit, that the more deeply we explored this approach, the more of my own “me-sickness” surfaced. God lovingly and gracefully dealt with me, the biggest sinner in that classroom!

What about you? Would you be interested in living a life that leaves no regret, a life defined by true change and healing? Do you want out of the living death of a continuous sin cycle? Embracing Godly sorrow, rather than worldly sorrow is the key. You and I can pray for God to help us turn our perspectives outward so that we have the big picture our sin and mess are creating. The distress we feel at getting caught can be changed to a distress that drives us to a loving Father who is ready to forgive, grant us a do-over, and over time, equip us to love better. We can pray for a more sensitive heart that cares deeplywhen we hurt God, hurt others, and hurt ourselves. That is Godly sorrow. What would it look like in your life?

BY: Stephanie Murillo

For Further Study
2 Corinthians 7: 8-10
2 Samuel 12:13
1 Kings 8:47-50
Matthew 21:32
Matthew 26:75
2 Timothy 2:25-26

liz goss

Praise God on Mother’s Day

May 5, 2021May 4, 2021by Liz GossLeave a Comment

“Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds. Exult in his holy name; rejoice, you who worship the Lord. Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him. Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given.” – 1 Chronicles 16:8-12 (NLT)

Sunday is Mother’s Day and I want to take the first sentence of this post to say: let this day be whatever you need it to be… but remember to be grateful. See, when I asked some friends about this yearly celebration I got feelings all over the map:

Love for my child and so much gratitude for being a mother.
Grief over a mother I am missing.
Struggling with mental health and have mixed feelings about being a mother.
Pain due to the mother daughter relationship I had.
Envy over those picture perfect moments that fill my social media feeds.
Empty ache over a child I lost even as I am grateful for the children I have.
Painful reminder that I’m not a mom yet.

Whatever Mother’s Day is or isn’t for you, it’s all okay. There’s room and space for the joy and the grief. It’s okay to talk about and feel all the sides of Mother’s Day. But because Mother’s Day is a day of celebration I challenge you all to spend some time preparing your heart to glorify God because of the gift of motherhood. We can all bring praise to God because of someone who personified a mother in our lives. There are three great ways (that popped into my brain) to carry out this exercise. So choose one or choose them all, but don’t forget to thank God for some aspect of moms this weekend.

WRITE – Put your thankfulness down in words. Thank your mother. Thank someone else’s mother. Be grateful for the ways you have been able to mother. Praise God for the ways he has mothered you. Pen to paper. Text. Write an email. Comment on this blog post. However you want to write out your thank you… do it.

ADVICE – We learn things from mothers and one amazing way to exalt motherhood is to share the advice we have received. Mom advice is priceless so glorify God by sharing some of it with others.

LAUGH – Being a mom can be… ridiculous. We do dumb things. Our kids do crazy stuff. We witness other mothers being off the wall geniuses. Let’s share some of this treasure trove and praise our good God for the laughs he’s brought along the way.

Sunday is Mother’s Day. If you need to cry today, cry. If you need to celebrate, celebrate. If you want to do both, do both. If you need to hide on Sunday and pretend it’s not Mother’s Day, that’s totally okay. From one woman to another, I give you permission to love yourself enough to ask for what you need from your loved ones for this day. But in the midst of all the things this world throws at us, let’s not forget to praise our God for the blessing of motherhood. Because through it all he is always good.

“Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who lives from everlasting to everlasting! And all the people shouted “Amen!” and praised the Lord.” – 1 Chronicles 16:36

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Rebuild Trust

March 10, 2021March 9, 2021by amyoberg5 Comments

Can trust be rebuilt? Trust has been lost over the last year in a host of ways. It is not hard to see systems break down in our society, career paths squashed, and relationships took a huge hit in our world. Families, friends and just about every one of our relationships were challenged in trust…including our relationship with God.

What happens when things are broken in a relationship? How do we rebuild?

Recently, I heard a Ted Talks on this topic and it talked about rebuilding trust taking three things: authenticity, logic and empathy. These three pieces need to be present when working on a broken relationship.

Authenticity: We really need to be authentic in our relationships or then it is not a real relationship. (Psalm 119:73-74)

Empathy: Empathy is required to have a mutual relationship. It is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. (Galatians 6:2-3)

Logic: This part of the triangle fascinated me! Logic is the form of communication necessary to have understanding. (I know this is where people throw their hands up and determine that rebuilding trust requires the other person to be logical…but both parties need understanding). She drew a simple triangle to explain logic. (Proverbs 3:5)

Start with the story? Many of us start with story and maybe, maybe get to the point sometime in the future. When there is no trust or empathy, then the story will probably fog up the logic and create confusion in understanding if we ever get to the point.

Start with the point? Most of us should start with the point so it is not lost in the story. When rebuilding trust, we may have an opportunity to share the story when trust is built by the point.

This is an incredible formula that can be used in every relationship. Think about how you implement this in your life. When I am with people I trust, I tell them the whole story because the all details matter. When I am with someone I don’t trust, I usually get to the point pretty quick (and maybe I should more quickly). I usually try to tell people the story so they have empathy, but I’m learning it doesn’t work that way. Many times when I am telling a story and I see someone mentally check out…I should get to the point and wrap it up.

Hopefully you can take this formula into your life and put it to good use. While human relationships are hard, God does not need a formula. He loves you just the way you are, he is with you in your emotion, and he understands your story. Trust Him while rebuilding trust in other relationships.