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Twenty Critical Minutes

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Twenty Critical Minutes

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5 [NIV]

We have all heard about counting to ten when we are angry. Now neuroscientists are telling us that a twenty-minute period after strong emotions wash over us is a critical period. Why is this? The amygdala, a walnut-shaped organ in the mid-brain, whose job it is to detect threat, needs twenty minutes after it “alerts” to calm down. During that time this little organ is hijacking electrical energy from the front of the brain where we think and plan, to the brain stem where we either fight or flee.

So, the moment we become anxious, what we do with that twenty-minute period immediately afterward is critical. We can send up a 9-1-1 prayer, recite Scripture we have memorized, drink a glass of water, or take a quick walk before letting ourselves react. Immediately moving to a worst-case scenario may become our go-to strategy without a steady diet of prayer, Scripture, and reminding ourselves that God can handle even this tsunami of strong emotion.

A theologian from Proverbs 31 Ministries recently pointed out that when we react instead of respond, our actions become “historical and hysterical.” Without training, we will default to old and often ineffective strategies when we are triggered by our amygdala.

You do have a choice.

The amazing part of all this “brain stuff” is that we do have a choice about where those impulses travel when we are angry, afraid, or experiencing any strong emotion, especially during that critical twenty-minute period. But the brain must be re-trained over a fairly long period of time to “take thoughts captive” when the heat is on. When we “take a thought captive” we are literally re-routing electrical impulses down a new neural path!

The brain initially resists this because it has already created “super-highways” of connected neurons. It doesn’t want to slow down to bushwhack through a new neural tangle when learning a new strategy or response. As we pray, read the Bible, memorize Scripture and meditate on it, our brains can learn to slow down to re-tool, re-set, and restructure. When stressed, we can eventually learn to use those critical twenty minutes to pray, “Lord, calm all my fears with Your love. Help me remember Your truth.”

The key is consistent training, which includes reading, memorization, meditation on what we read, and application of truth to a specific situation, all requiring the assistance of our personal Coach, the Holy Spirit. We can also pray, “Holy Spirit, please train me and cue me and give me the energy to respond rather than react when I become triggered emotionally.”

How old are you really?

One last thought: When we react after being triggered, we go to our true emotional age rather than our chronological age. If an unresolved trauma happened between four and fourteen, we react like the age we were when we were damaged and branded by that incident. That is why people act like deranged adolescents or a toddler having a tantrum when triggered in public. So, part of emotional/spiritual development is actively seeking healing and counseling for unresolved hurts from our past. That unlocks us from our stuck places and lets us grow up to use that twenty-minute period in a healthy manner.

By the way, many of today’s Christian psychologists and counselors believe that spiritual growth and emotional growth are one and the same. When we commit to daily training with the Holy Spirit, our Coach, over time, and with God’s grace and truth, our brains can re-shape our neural thought highways so we grow up into mature strategies. God will do His part as we do our part so that fear and panic no longer hijack our healthy responses to threat and big challenges.

BY: Stephanie Murillo

FOR FURTHER STUDY

  • Philippians 4:8
  • Psalm 10:4
  • Psalm 13:2
  • Psalm 55:2
  • Psalm 139: 17, 23
  • Isaiah 55:8
  • Hebrews 3:1
  • Hebrews 4:12
  • Proverbs 31 podcast
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Try Rest

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Try Rest

Luke 23 is about so many things, the trial, death and burial of Jesus Christ, the new beginning of friendship between Herod and Pilate, the forgiveness of a criminal, for goodness sakes it is about the salvation of the world! Lots in this passage caught my eye, but I landed on Luke 23:56 the final verse.

I have read this passage of scripture tons of times, but never caught the magnitude of this. “Then they returned and prepared spices and perfumes. And they rested on the Sabbath according to the commandments”. Can you believe it! The One they loved had  just been falsely accused and died a brutal death. They wanted to honor Him to anoint and perfume His body as a final act of love. They wanted to give Him a proper burial and they had to rest. It was commanded of them. It’s not like Jesus didn’t know the day He would die and the fact that it would be required that these women rest. Rest was not suggested, but a must even in the face of death. While they were resting, God Almighty was at work! His plan of redemption in full swing. Ladies, why is it that we think we are in charge of saving the world and making it dinner too? No seriously, I didn’t learn to rest until my early 40’s after a serious burn out and even now still find it can be challenging. Why can’t we take the invitation/command and obey it? What are we afraid of ?

Often when we get quiet long enough things come up, memories, unaddressed issues, the voice of God…His gentle nudge. Remember when you’ve been holding an exhausted little one and they just want to keep going and going; they are weary and crying and struggling and you’re like come on already! Just rest, you’re not going to miss all the things you think you’re gonna miss. Strangely, I can hear the Fathers saying the same thing to us. It is not that we are unaware, we KNOW we need that weekly and even daily rest. Can I just say you need no one else’s permission to rest. The God of heaven and earth has told you to rest, so you get to. 🙂 I think of Psalm 23:2, “He makes me lie down in green pastures”. Makes me. Sounds like the story of the tired child. It’s okay to rest, no as a matter of fact it is good. Each week we prepare a meal the evening before Sabbath and it is actually something we look forward to each week. Try it! At first, it may feel completely against your grain but soon you will settle down and find that much needed rest. Until we meet again, I pray you will take Him at His word and rest.

Blessings, Tiff

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Pray Like an Archer

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Pray Like an Archer

     Have you ever been under pressure to provide a quick answer in a stress-filled situation?      Your decision-strategy will affect your choices.  Are you prone to firing off an impulsive answer?  Do you go along with the most popular option?  Do you move decisions off to capable and trustworthy others because you lack courage or don’t want to take responsibility for the result?  Do you ignore as many decisions as possible because you feel overwhelmed?  Do you weigh all the variables before deciding?  Do you put your most energy, thought and effort into those decisions that have the greatest impact?  You may use a combination of several strategies, but remember that your approach to decision-making is critical.

     Nehemiah used an effective decision-making strategy under pressure. He found himself in the hot seat when King Artaxerxes demanded a quick response from him about why he had such a long face and obviously heavy heart.  Nehemiah had just a second or two to pick a strategy for answering the king.  The wrong answer could cost him his head!  The right answer could free him to go back to the devastated city of Jerusalem and help with its restoration. 

     What was Nehemiah’s strategy? He chose to fire off an “arrow prayer.”  The technical term for this kind of short, focused, faith-filled cry to God is “ejaculatory prayer.”  Nehemiah, like an archer, placed a prayer on his bow and fired it up to heaven, followed its path, and faithfully expected it to reach the heart of God.  This ejaculatory prayer was effective because Nehemiah had been praying fervently night and day for nearly four months about the ruined walls of Jerusalem.  Suddenly, God provided Nehemiah a golden opportunity to voice his concerns to the king and win his permission to go home to help rebuild his devastated city.

     What about you?  Do your regular conversations with your Abba, your Daddy-God give you the freedom to fire your own “arrow prayers” when life gives you only one or two seconds to respond to its pressures?  Arrow prayers as simple as “Lord, help me!” or “Father, protect me!” can be fired at any time and at any place, under any circumstances. These ejaculatory prayers are not wordy, but heart-felt cries that leap out of our souls.  These arrow prayers can keep us from the regret we feel when impulse trumps good sense or voice our sudden joy when we are blessed.  A quick prayer steadies us when temptation looms, exhaustion overwhelms, tragedy strikes, pain erupts, death threatens, or our loved ones are driving us crazy.

     What about you?  Is there a string in your bow because of daily prayer? Do you take time to tell God how much you love and appreciate him? If so, you can confidently fit an intense, quick, and even wordless arrow prayer into your bow of daily prayer. Just point and shoot that arrow prayer, trusting the Holy Spirit to empower its flight.

By Stephanie Murillo

Arrows for your bow:

Matthew 14:28-31           Psalm 6:9

Acts 7:59                         Psalm 88:1

Romans 8:26

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Hold On!

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Hold On!

“I will not let you go unless you bless me” (Genesis 32:26).

     Have you ever wrestled with God?  Have you ever prayed and knocked, seeking an answer or your next step for days, weeks, or even months?  Have you ever cried out, over and over, “What do You want me to do, Lord?” If so, you have been in a wrestling match with God.

     Genesis 32:22-32 contains a strangely beautiful story of a wrestling match that transformed Jacob from a schemer and manipulator into a humble man whose testimony was marked by the limp he carried with him the rest of his life. Jacob tricked his brother, Esau, out of his inheritance then ran away to his uncle’s house. This bad boy was finally called by God to return home to face the mess his greedy heart had made. After sending his family and all his possessions to the other side of the river, Jacob found himself alone, at night, worried his brother might kill him.

     What transpired next was amazing! A man, also called “the angel of God’s presence” in some versions, wrestled with Jacob until daybreak (Genesis 32:24).  That wrestling match stripped Jacob of his pride, his misconceptions, his tired, worn-out, ineffective strategies and the useless defense mechanisms of his past. He also learned that he could persevere more than he thought. Jacob was put by God into the perfect position to begin learning a new loving design for his life.   

Wrestling matches take time. 

     I have learned that wrestling matches with God take more time than I would like.  God insists on persisting when I keep resisting! Much time is needed for God to get to the root of what keeps us from becoming more like Jesus. The encouraging news is that when we ask, God strengthens us to survive a long wrestling match or we would perish before the night is over.

Wrestling matches cause good wounds.

    Like Jacob, God has to put our hips out of joint, burst our bubbles, or put some hurt on our prideful hearts so we can be healed, and move forward with Him.  Our false self has to die so the real self God created in us can live. Our battle scars are not shameful; they are testimonies of God’s healing grace.

Wrestling gives us a new name.

      When dawn came, Jacob told God, “I will not let You go until You bless me.”  Despite a dislocated him and a long night, Jacob was determined to receive the good that God had for him.  God blessed Jacob with a new name and a new identity.  He was no longer to be known as a schemer.  God re-named him, “Israel,” a name that proved he had persevered in that wrestling match and a name that predicted a powerful successful future.  God wants to give each of us a new identity as well if we are willing to admit we need help and strength, if we are willing to let God set the pace of our progress, and if we do not let go of God until He blesses us.

Prayer:

Abba, help me recognize when I am in a wrestling match with you.  Show me how to respond and give me the strength to hold onto You until You bless me.  Amen.

Written by Stephanie Murillo

Scriptures for further study:

Luke 18: 1-7

Romans 8:37

1 Corinthians 15:58

2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Hebrews 5:7

Psalm 115:13

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Not Yet Across the Finish Line

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Not Yet Across the Finish Line

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. [John 14:26 NIV]

Have you ever wondered if you have what it takes to make it through some kind of boot camp? I have watched in awe and wonder as my niece tackled the challenges of the exercise boot camp she attends early in the morning at her local gym. Over time, my niece began to exit that steamy environment with more smiles and less groans. Her muscles became stronger and her stamina increased, a training-effect even I have felt with my much-more-modest efforts with free weights and consistent time on some exercise machines. Wimp that I am, I have never been successful without the encouragement of fellow sufferers and a gym rat or two to inspire me with those toned biceps and abs. Wait! Do I even have abs? They must be in there somewhere!

Perseverance is the key to reaching those seemingly far-off goals, a perseverance fueled by the energy of God’s Holy Spirit within us. Each of us have a mighty Coach that can energize every aspect of our lives, if we are willing to be guided by His truth, surrendered to His guidance, and empowered with a mind that learns to think and choose like Him. When the disciples were devastated by the news that Jesus was physically leaving them, He comforted them by explaining that He, who once was only with them, would now be in them, as the Holy Spirit (John 14:26), helping them across the finish line. Remember, the Holy Spirit will help you become the trained, mature you!

Why was the Holy Spirit so essential to them and still so essential to us? Life is hard, and often presents circumstances that are far beyond our ability to cope with them. We need help! How do we get to the next level as we tackle the tasks that mature us?

  1. Recognize that with Jesus in your heart, the old life is gone. Radical change is here! Paul wrote: [Galatians 2:20 NIV] I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
  2. Embrace God’s agenda for you. God has a better plan and mind-blowing growth in mind for you. [1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV] However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”–the things God has prepared for those who love him—
  3. Schedule significant amounts of time to be alone with God. When David’s family was taken captive and bitter tears fell, he “found strength in the LORD his God” (1 Samuel 30:6). Take time to invite the Holy Spirit into your current situation right now. Ask Him to fill you and pour out of you.

Prayer: Holy Spirit, help me to remember that You want to coach and guide me and train up my spiritual muscles so You can help me persevere all the way to the finish line. Help me find training time to spend with You. Amen.

For further reading

  • Acts 5:32
  • Acts 11:16
  • Acts 15:8
  • Romans 5:3-5
  • Romans 14:7
  • Romans 15:13
  • 1 Cor. 6:19

BY: Stephanie Murillo

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Creative Conflict

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Creative Conflict

How do you handle conflict? Do you avoid it at all costs? See it as demoralizing and fearful? Or might you perceive conflict as an opportunity for growth and a strengthening of bonds? The Bible has a compelling story of creative conflict management in 2 Samuel 17. Take a moment to read the story of two hot-heads, David and Nabal, and one creative thinker, negotiator and communicator named Abigail.

When Nabal is asked by King David’s servants for a hand-out, he reacts by insulting the king, refusing to meet their desperate need for food. David does not stop to think, pray, or assess the situation. He, like Nabal, puts his foot on the emotional gas and threatens to leave no son of his alive because of this drunken fool’s refusal. When Abigail learns that death now threatens her family, she calmly stays in touch with her feelings and carefully considers how to respond. Abigail empathizes with David’s plight, staying calm, non-defensive and respectful when she takes food to David.

She faces the conflict head-on, but respectfully seeks a win-win for both her family and for David, refusing to be paralyzed by anger or fear. Then this resourceful woman communicates to David that the blood-shed he is contemplating is going to hurt his relationship with God then asks the king to forgive her husband and to hold nothing against her. Abigail boldly advocates for herself asking David to remember her when the conflict is resolved.

You and I can benefit from Abigail’s conflict-resolutions skills if we are willing to ask the Holy Spirit to help us put the following strategies into practice:

  1. Let go of the need to win or be declared right. We can effectively handle conflict when our goal is the restoration of relationship, not winning. We need to be reminded that God loves us whether we are top dog or not.
  2. Let go of the past. Focus on the present, not past grudges, so that what can be done in the here-and-now isn’t lost in chaotic memories.
  3. Let go of the need for revenge. We can resolve conflict if we release the urge to punish and if we are willing renounce the following: dwelling on the incident, bringing it up again, re-hashing the incident with others, and letting the incident stand between us and others.
  4. Let go and disengage when a discussion is not fruitful. We can often try again especially after learning better communication skills and seeking the help of professionals in this area.
  5. Let go of the need to handle conflict without help. God is happy to give us wisdom and discernment when we ask Him for help in hard-to-have conversations. We can ask God for a strengthening of our character for stronger conflict resolution skills and for safe others to guide us.

Any conflict has the potential to teach us about ourselves and deepen our understanding and empathy for others. As you and I are willing to work with God and safe others on our own issues, we will learn to respectfully approach others when conflicts arise. God’s desire is always the re-creation of deep and healthy connections in our relationships.

For further reading:

  • Ephesians 4:32
  • Matthew 6:14
  • Proverbs 15:1, 2, 4, 18, 22, 28, 32

BY: Stephanie Murillo

[Art Note: Painting is oil on panel by Sir Peter Paul Rubens entitled The Meeting of David and Abigail circa 1630.]

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One Big P.U.S.H.

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One Big P.U.S.H.

They told him, “This is what Hezekiah says: This day is a day of distress and rebuke and disgrace, as when children come to the moment of birth and there is no strength to deliver them. – 2 Kings 19:3 [NIV]

Do you enjoy epic adventure stories that spill across a big screen with badly outnumbered good guys fighting bravely against the bad guys who are threatening their very existence? I sure do! Two chapters, 18 and 19 in 2 Kings are particular favorites of mine because of the way a terrified King Hezekiah responds to the vile threats breathed against him and God by the invading King Sennacherib and his field commander. If you take a moment and read those blood-curdling chapters, you will discover King Hezekiah’s healthy response to a sickening situation.

911!

King Hezekiah first admits that he is in over his head, asking the prophet Isaiah to pray (2 Kings 19:2). When you and I are in trouble, asking prayer warriors to intercede for us is a healthy strategy that connects us to one another and to God.

Read this, God!

When King Sennacherib doubles down by putting his taunts and blasphemy into a letter, the King takes all that evil ridicule into the temple of the LORD, spreads it out before God and takes his battle position by hitting his knees (2 Kings 19:14-19).

There are times we just run out of words when that terrifying letter, text or social media post is opened. Like King Hezekiah, we can call out, “Read this, God! Only You can tell me what to do! Only You can deliver me out of this mess. I am not making a move until I hear from You.”

Wait for the P.U.S.H.

King Hezekiah waited before God without making any impulsive or rash moves. Maybe not having energy for that last, big push was a blessing, forcing the king to sit tight and trust God. Hezekiah wasn’t disappointed. That night, we are told, that the angel of the Lord puts to death 185,000 men, forcing Sennacherib home where his own sons assassinate him while he is worshiping his god (2 Kings 19:35-37).

Today, with Jesus in our hearts, we have access to the power and personality of His Spirit in our lives. The Holy Spirit gives us the gifts and fruits we need (Galatians 5:22-23; 1 Corinthians 12:8-10). These powerful gifts create unity if we are willing to cooperate (Ephesians 4:3). God’s Spirit inside of us helps us work with people we ordinarily wouldn’t tolerate. The Holy Spirit also supervises the church, comforting, guiding, praying, freeing, and bearing witness to our salvation. The Holy Spirit also, over time, makes us holy. He cleanses us from sin and “me-sickness,” rubbing us against life’s washboard until our spots and stains are scrubbed away (1 Corinthians 6:11; Titus 3:4-7). You can find this idea and more in Max Lucado’s book: Unshakable Hope.

Are you willing to call out a 911 to God and safe others? Are you willing to pause, pray, and wait for the P.U.S.H of the Holy Spirit? God wants to fill you with all that He is. You have only to ask.

Meditate and Marinate:

  • Psalm 104:27-30
  • Acts 9:31
  • John 16:13
  • Romans 8:26
  • John 3:5-8

BY: Stephanie Murillo

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Name Without Shame

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Name Without Shame

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. [Psalm 42:5 NIV]

Have you ever been ambushed by a tsunami of emotions that threatened to hi-jack the noble, mature, responsible you? Have you ever been a primal scream wrapped in skin? I have to raise both hands here and admit that for years I did not know what to do with the molten lava of feelings I often felt inside.

Happily, Christian teachers are now beginning to acknowledge our need to train, rather than try to manage our emotions honestly and without shame, a development that can bear so much fruit in our hearts and help us connect with our inner lives, with God, and with others.

One of the first skills I began to practice came from our God-given identity as “namers.” God gave Adam and Eve the job of giving names to the flora and fauna around them in the Garden of Eden, and we have been assigning names and labels from that day to this. Naming is a powerful tool, because identifying an emotion, issue, or worry, brings it out of the darkness into the light. What we acknowledge, can now be placed into God’s capable, competent, compassionate hands for healing and change. Naming is often the first step in managing that volcano inside.

In Psalm 42, King David is practicing an emotionally healthy strategy by looking inside himself and trying to name what is troubling him. He is engaging in some fruitful “self-talk” by not only asking this question, but also turning his focus on God as Savior and a giver of grace. Some scholars believe David wrote this when he was fleeing from his own son and could not enter God’s house to worship. In Psalm 42, he honestly names what is defining his life at present: a soul (mind, will, and emotions) drained dry by the tears of betrayal that have poured out day and night.

The pandemic has caused many of us to feel a level of disconnect we have never experienced before, but there is hope! A tidal wave of emotion may sweep over us, but as Charles Spurgeon says, “Grace swims!” So, how do we invite God into our emotional tempest?

  • ASK God for help to put a name to what is driving the storm inside us.
  • POUR out all that is inside to the only One strong enough and safe enough to handle our strong emotions.

Psalms 5, 10, 17, 35, 58, 129, and 140 are examples of powerful and often not-too-noble feelings being poured out before God in the privacy of personal prayer. Then, we sit quietly before God asking Him to love us back to sanity, and to give us safe people to help us process our emotions. Remember, this is a process defined by God’s loving acceptance. No shame allowed!

BY: Stephanie Murillo

[Bonus verses to look up later: Psalm 27:14 Psalm 37:7 Psalm 91:15 Romans 4:18-19]

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An Underrated Blessing

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An Underrated Blessing

As things continue to return to normal, I have been reminded that normal…is….busy! Run, run, run! Go, go, go. Some days there is barely a moment to catch your breath!

Because normal = busy, time seems to fly by. I blinked and I was graduating high school. I blinked and I was saying good-bye to my 20s. I blinked again and all 4 kids were in school. And I made the mistake of blinking again and my oldest is now almost 17 years old and when he stands up straight, he is looking me right in the eyes!

As I approach the halfway point in my life, I want to take the wisdom I have acquired, some of it which came at great cost (life’s tough lessons often don’t come cheap) and I want to apply that wisdom to the days that I have left. One of my goals for my second half is to fight twice as hard to give my time to my family. If I trade in my family time in order to be successful at work? That’s actually failure. Family must be first.

But there is an overlooked aspect of life, a blessing that God intended us to have, and with all of the things going on, it is often easily neglected. That neglected blessings is friendship. I have had this thought running through my head for a while now: “Friendship is a gift you give yourself.” Making time for friends, pursuing a quality person in friendship seems like a selfish thing to do. I feel like I almost have to give myself permission. With so much competition for time, you could feel guilty for creating some space to enjoy your friends.

Another reason we might neglect friendship is because relationships are messy. We can step on each other’s toes. We can get offended. Sometimes friendships end badly. I have had seasons where I have had walls up, because I didn’t want to get burned again. I look back on those seasons now and I wish I had taken the walls down sooner. I was missing the blessing that comes from friendship.

David in the Bible had a wonderful friend in Jonathan. David’s life was stressful! One minute King Saul wanted to hear David play his music, and the next minute, with no warning, he tried to kill David. Since he was in the service of King Saul there wasn’t much David could do about it. In this rough season of life, David found support from Jonathan, who was like a brother to him. Jonathan was a true friend.

Here are some characteristics of a true friend:

  • They always tells you what you need to hear, not what you necessarily want to hear!
  • They will be genuinely happy for you when blessings come your way. They won’t grumble about ‘how nothing good happens to them,’ they will celebrate their friends happiness!
  • They will hang in there with you, when you need them the most, even if it is unpopular. King Saul was not pleased with his son’s loyalty to David!

In this marathon called life, it isn’t good to run alone. Prioritize godly friends, and you will enjoy the journey!

By: Matt Larson (senior pastor at journey church)

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Perseverance in Storms

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Perseverance in Storms

I was asking Amy what the topic was to write on and before I got that question out of my mouth or shall I say onto my keyboard, here came these words…Perseverance in storms.

May I just tell you I hate to talk or write about these things. I don’t want to sound like some puffed up guru on suffering because I have had my fair share of it (as many of you have) or like I know all the things and glided through these storms with such Christlike character and grace everyone who watched stood in awe. Now, I know there are some ladies who have done this, and I applaud them and maybe even envy them a little if we’re going to be honest; but I personally wasn’t one of them. I fussed and cussed and wept, I prayed and begged, bargained and reasoned and fasted then finally, and I do I mean finally, surrendered and accepted His will over my own. To be honest some days (were down to minutes now not all day) I am still licking wounds of stuff I just down right can’t understand. BUT that being said, this does not nullify the Love nor the Faithfulness of my Mighty God. 

My mighty God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Yep, my God heard me say those things I wished I could take back when I didn’t think I could breathe through the pain or ever truly smile again. You see my Bible says He knows me; He knows how I am formed. He remembers I am just DUST…that’s right…I’m dirt and I can act as low as it with enough pain or frustration in my heart. The only time I am above this is when He mercifully breathes His life into me, and Hallelujah He does!!! In the south when someone is acting a fool you will hear the words ‘Bless your heart, your slip is showing”. God has seen my slip more times than I care to remember and yet loves me still.

Okay so about this perseverance in the storm. What does the above several paragraphs have to do with all of this…EVERYTHING! God did not ask me to be fake and phony with a false hallelujah on my lips as my sister, husband, niece and finally Poppie lay breathing their last. 

Deb, my sister, died when I was only a few years into my recovery (by the way she hated me calling her Deb, she was my big sis…tough now sis, love you!). That about flung me so far into space I thought I might never land back on planet earth. It isn’t just that she had died, but she died in her addiction…the one I had just been miraculously delivered from. The one I had just took a best friend’s sister to go get help and she was delivered from! What??? Why?

Eric, my husband, passed Aug 29, 2018 exactly five years and one day from when his beautiful young wife had died of cancer before we married. Now his girls have no mom and no dad. (Yes, I am there BUT I am not themmmmm). That was space travel number two.

Seriah, my niece, had just helped another young lady get to work because she didn’t have a vehicle. While doing a kind deed (this wasn’t just a practice of her it was who she was) she was t-boned and broken in more places than I care to remember. We clung, I mean ferociously clung, to Psalm 27:13, “I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living”. We wrote it in her hospital room, we prayed it, we sang over her, we wept and held on for dear life, 27 years old y’all, 27 years old and now gone. I can still see her huge blue eyes, and ache to look into them some days. This is deep space.

Poppie, my dear Poppa, every two hours more meds and more meds and cleanings and rolling to prevent bed sores and shallow breaths. I was watching my mom be ripped in two and wondering if she would survive it (My mom has such precious faith, her and Jesus are doing good…she is finding her way through the valley of the shadow of death and Jesus is championing her through it). He promised me He would care for her. He has never failed on one promise NEVER. This is a whole other galaxy.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because Beloved, I want you to be real and vulnerable and honest as to where you are in your sufferings or storms. Did you notice the word perseverance had the word SEVERE right in the middle of it? If we saw someone go through a severe physical incident we wouldn’t be like “hey you smile and press on”…NO! We would be completely honest about the condition of their body so they could have proper care to be restored. LADIES, it is the same with conditions of the heart, psyche, and spirit. Broken is Broken. But Healed is Healed. You cannot be healed without the truth, period! It doesn’t work that way. Jesus is The Way, The TRUTH and The life. He is not afraid of the truth He IS the truth He lives there He dwells there. Don’t hide in the shadows, come out and speak to Him, let Him heal you. Loving you and praying for you. He is faithful and ever will be. Tiff

PS. I landed back here in the Everlasting Arms.